#extremeprogramming #teamwork #pairprogramming #fun
The rules of mob programming cover image

The rules of mob programming

Sebastian Schürmann • February 6, 2016

A funny list of pseudo rules that apply to mob programming. Sometimes a laugh is a good thing

  1. Do talk /mob programming/
  2. Do talk while /mob programming/
  3. We are team.
  4. Team is legion.
  5. Team does forgive, Team does not forget.
  6. Team can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
  7. Team is still able to deliver.
  8. There are no real rules about Mob Programming.
  9. There are no real rules about moderation either — enjoy your flame.
  10. If you enjoy any rival sites — DON’T. Especially while mob programming.
  11. You can have pictures to prove your statement. Ugly pictures count equal.
  12. Lurk moar — it’s never enough.
  13. Nothing is Sacred.
  14. Do not argue with a troll — it means that they win.
  15. The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to build on it.
  16. There are NO girls on the internet. But in the room. Dont be a bunch of douches
  17. A cat is fine too.
  18. One cat leads to another.
  19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets. In case of hatred: Use the law of 2 feet.
  20. It is delicious cake. You must eat it. Have a break.
  21. It is delicious trap. You must hit it. Don’t over extend the event.
  22. /programming/ sucks today.
  23. Ism goes in here.
  24. You will never have a good estimate.
  25. ????
  26. PROFIT!
  27. It needs more Desu. No exceptions.
  28. There will always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw.
  29. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so).
  30. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky
  31. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. # is capslock for markdown. Write wiki while you are in the mob.
  32. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER. Decide whats next.
  33. Sexism isn’t funny. Seriously guys.
  34. There is porn of it. No exceptions.
  35. If no porn is found of it, it will be created.
  36. No matter what it is, it is somebody’s fetish. No exceptions.
  37. Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you kaizen.
  38. When team sees a c-level executive, one wear a funny hat.
  39. There is furry porn of it. No exceptions.
  40. The pool is always closed due to everyone being at work (the 90ies want their startup legends back).
  41. If there isn’t enough Mob Programming just ask for Moar.
  42. Everything has been hacked, cargo culted and re-named.
  43. DISREGARD THAT I DO CARGOCULT
  44. The company is not your personal army.
  45. Rule 45 is a lie.
  46. The cake is a lie.
  47. If you post it on the wiki, they will read it.
  48. It will always need moar sauce.
  49. The internet (especially social media) makes you stupid.
  50. Anything can be a meme.
  51. Longcat is looooooooooong.
  52. If something goes wrong, doesnt matter who did it. You must get it right together. See rule 48
  53. Everyone is root by default.
  54. Root has cat ears, even in real life. No exceptions.
  55. CP is awwwright, but DSFARGEG will get you b&.
  56. Don’t mess with kaizen.
  57. Moderator has never been asked for his opinion so often. CROSSFUNCTIONAL. CROSSFUCKINGDISCIPLINARY.
  58. CFO does not “buy”, the users. Use your creativity, not web ads.
  59. The term “Scrum” does not refer to the american football.
  60. If you say Feedback, you be able to give it.
  61. You cannot divide by zero. Opinions will be different.
  62. The Mob Programming is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
  63. If you do not believe it, then it wont work.
  64. Not even Scrum-Norris knows to create a perfect architecture. He gets ideas from stack overflow
  65. Snowden is a hero to us all.
  66. This is not “hanging out”, it’s MOBPROGRMAAAAAAAAAA.
  67. One does not simply shoop da whoop into Amazon instance limits.
  68. Katy is did PHP and Javascript, so deal w/it.
  69. LOL SIXTY NINE AMIRITE?
  70. There can be estimates of it. One exception: No Estimates.
  71. This is a showdown, a throwdown, hell no I can’t slow down, it’s gonna go.
  72. CXO did NOT, under any circumstances, tk him 2da bar|?
  73. If you express astonishment at someone’s claim, it is most likely just a clever ruse.
  74. If it hadn’t been for Cotton Eyed Joe, al MOb would have been married a long time ago.
  75. Around Snacks, Mob Programming is lax.
  76. All numbers are at least fibonacci but always OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND.
  77. Racism definitely needs to gb2/hell/.
  78. Mods are root. No exceptions.
  79. All Caturday threads will be bombarded with Zippocat. No exceptions.
  80. No matter how cute it is, it will be probably the all-nighter of tomorrow.
  81. That’s not get shit done programming, but Mob Programming.
  82. The idea of flat hierarchies is really, really funny.
  83. The Mob Programming is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
  84. Rule 87 is true.
  85. Yes, it is some sourcecode.
  86. Bobba bobba is bobba.
  87. Rule 84 is false. OH SHI-
  88. If your statement is preceded by “Deine Mudda”, then you are not doing it right.
  89. If you cannot understand it, it is perl or closure or any other of 20 hipsterlangs out there. Grow a beard.
  90. Team still owes moderator a little courtesy.
  91. Spengbab Sqarpaint is luv Padtwick Zhstar iz fwend.
  92. Disregard Bigmike, he does waterfall.
  93. Secure tripcodes are for jerks.
  94. If someone herd u liek Mudkips, deny it constantly for the lulz.
  95. Off topic conversations are inevitable. If the whole thing works without moderation, it is boring and should have more off topic conversations.
  96. I am a huge fan of not zoning out to much here.
  97. All programming languages and lines of work suck equally and will never be fixed.
  98. Bricks must are required to be shat whenever team is surprised.
  99. If you have no bricks to shit, you prolly had nogood time together.
  100. ZOMG NONE
#extremeprogramming #teamwork #pairprogramming #fun